changggeee

hi hi.
for once i'm writing on blogger not upset! usually i come here when i'm really upset and need to vent but that is not the case now! awesome!
just got home from picking up damian from work. we were supposed to go to the pb gym but i forgot my gym card in all the midst of finishing up a movie and getting his stuff together and the rain. oh sweet rain.
i was thinking.. after this rain.. is there no more rain til next season? that would be sad. i do like this weather. i like it because it makes me think that i could be in another place with lots of rain (like portland or seattle) and be okay. rain doesnt bring me down, immobilize me, or make me upset if i get drenched. now i just need to avoid the cold. rain but no cold? hmm where is this magical place? tehe

i've been thinking about leaving a lot
but i have a crazy life here. it would be hard for me to untangle myself from everything i'm involved with and just up and leave. but im finding it hard to make the leap lately. the leap into anything, actually. i feel like i'm in slow motion.

and apparently so does bebuh. the other night he expressed that he really loves me and he's been really scared lately because he really could see himself being with me for the rest of his life but he also feels like he wants to go out and see and hang with people and change and evolve. he thinks that things havent changed much in the past year on his side. but it will come.. he needs to make a leap too. we need to leap.. but not together. we are too young to take our relationship to the next level. which would be moving in together.. we still have a lot to learn on our own.
i love him though
god.. it's such a deep fucking love and sometimes i dont know how serious to take it cuz i've never felt like this before. its amazing and scary all at the same time.

well.. this was a help.. hoping to turn in my resume and cover letter to museums in the nxt few days!
and new tattoo soon yey!

goodnight