he's just upset that i make it all about me.
i have to have a solution to keep MY mind at peace.
he thinks i don't think about him.. and what he wants
shit
i don't even know what he wants
what used to happen when people called me out?
i know i'm selfish
and think of myself first a lot of the time
but when was the last time someone stood up to me?
was monet always wrong?
Sunday, February 8, 2009
Saturday, February 7, 2009
afterthought
also, i have codependent tendencies and maybe i just didnt think for myself from the beginning.
ie: no reason to pressure him to drink, i wasnt really up for having crazy amounts of sex.
ie: no reason to pressure him to drink, i wasnt really up for having crazy amounts of sex.
Fighting.
Tonight, me and my new boyfriend Damian got into our second.. okay maybe third.. ridiculous fight. I see it as ridiculous because I feel as if he overreacts and when I try to talk it out.. he has nothing to do with it..and just wants to fight for the purpose of fighting.
Now.. I know all healthy relationships have healthy fights every so often..but I feel as if we don't have an efficient way of talking to each other and listening to each other so it really scares me because it leaves things up in the air?
Like tomorrow for example, are we just going to ignore the fact that we were displeased with each other last night? Or are we going to try to talk it out AGAIN, to only disagree with each other AGAIN?
It really boggles me.
Just for the record, tonight he was mad at me because he felt as if I pressured him into drinking, mostly because I want to take 'advantage' of him. Which is an oxymoron itself because I could 'have' him whenever I want. It's just the excitement factor of being a little tipsy.
Consequently, I bought a couple 40's to keep right up with him. When my long day started to creep up on me, suddenly the setting of the beer and movie put me to sleep.
The only way I could have prevented this was to not drink. and maybe I should have done that.. maybe if he's going to drink for 'me', I need to not drink just so one of us can be focused.
Either way, he felt like it was a waste of time having me fall asleep during the movie and I should have just told him I wanted to leave earlier when I was falling asleep the first time.
But I hate being the buzzkill!
So do you see the drama?
We don't understand each other.. I don't understand why he would drink JUST because i pushed him a little and I don't understand why he would get mad at me for something as little as falling asleep.
I don't think he understands that the pressure I give him is minimal. I don't 'need' him to get drunk.. it's just different and new when he does and I want him to have a good time. And most importantly, I don't think he understands what it's like to drive around all day after you work a few hours early in the morning and then trying to stay away during a movie after ten.
ok.. so wish me luck
i know he loves me.
but this understanding thing is an issue.
goodnight
Now.. I know all healthy relationships have healthy fights every so often..but I feel as if we don't have an efficient way of talking to each other and listening to each other so it really scares me because it leaves things up in the air?
Like tomorrow for example, are we just going to ignore the fact that we were displeased with each other last night? Or are we going to try to talk it out AGAIN, to only disagree with each other AGAIN?
It really boggles me.
Just for the record, tonight he was mad at me because he felt as if I pressured him into drinking, mostly because I want to take 'advantage' of him. Which is an oxymoron itself because I could 'have' him whenever I want. It's just the excitement factor of being a little tipsy.
Consequently, I bought a couple 40's to keep right up with him. When my long day started to creep up on me, suddenly the setting of the beer and movie put me to sleep.
The only way I could have prevented this was to not drink. and maybe I should have done that.. maybe if he's going to drink for 'me', I need to not drink just so one of us can be focused.
Either way, he felt like it was a waste of time having me fall asleep during the movie and I should have just told him I wanted to leave earlier when I was falling asleep the first time.
But I hate being the buzzkill!
So do you see the drama?
We don't understand each other.. I don't understand why he would drink JUST because i pushed him a little and I don't understand why he would get mad at me for something as little as falling asleep.
I don't think he understands that the pressure I give him is minimal. I don't 'need' him to get drunk.. it's just different and new when he does and I want him to have a good time. And most importantly, I don't think he understands what it's like to drive around all day after you work a few hours early in the morning and then trying to stay away during a movie after ten.
ok.. so wish me luck
i know he loves me.
but this understanding thing is an issue.
goodnight
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