insignificant

i think she's a bad person
because she makes me feel horrible.

when i see her.. especially with abby.. it reminds me of all the bad things that she did while with me.
i see the flaws, the hurt, the fucking uncaring person.
i know she's more than that.
i know i was with her for a reason
but i can't see any farther
i'm tired of looking
i'm tired of looking for a 'friend' and instead just finding someone i dislike

when i talk to her to find out how she's doing and whatnot
i feel like i dont really care
but instead i want to judge

who have i become to be this judging person
or this person who is ready to be judged?

i'm not ready to see her or be her friend. its been since may 2006 and i'm not ready.
i dont know what to do.
talk to her about this hurt? or just not talk to her at all.
this fucking sucks
i miss bub
he went to vegas today for app
i hope he doesnt sleep or make out with a pretty lady.
i don't think i'm ready for that yet.
i love him and want him to be happy/
i dont know what i want.

i like the hunt... new people
but theres more to new people
good night
i'm tired of feeling insignificant