sometimes i feel like i've given up on him. like things got to hard and i thought they won't worth fixing.
were they deeper issues that could or could not be fixed?
a lot of the time i feel like if you really love the person you can work on anything and you can make it better and you can be happy.
i really do love him
and i know things aren't perfect. i know he's not a girl and i know he's not that comfortable around my family and i know he doesn't necessarily show affection all the time but he made me smile EVERY DAY. he cared about me every day. and he never stopped loving me.
did i stop loving him?
no.
i just stopped trying. i pushed away. i realized the picture wasn't perfect and i left. i stopped trying.
maybe i was ready to love, but i wasn't ready to work on things because working on things before with monet turned out to make me look like a jackass

i'm not to sure if i'm settling (rational thoughts) or i'm losing a chance on true love (irrational)

an instruction booklet would be very helpful right about now.
and i need sleep
xoxo j