our silence condones the action.

i need to make business cards and start making notes about the business i want to create. i need to start moving positively. i need to start making friends. and i need to do do do. do do!
ps: i'm in new york and i love it here.

jenn

pps: missin the bebuh!

happenings.

i want to create art by giving the artists a portal of creativity and imagination. i want to revisit art. i want to be groundbreaking and fun and enter into peoples daily lives through art. possibly bring back happenings?

free=time

i'm exhausted. can't think straight. whenever i have free time i freak out and end up spending an hour meaninglessly on facebook. fuck facebook..it keeps me distracted from my lovely free time that i so rarely get.
i'm exhausted.. which makes me a tad sad.. and it doesnt help that bebuh's not around.
just watched a House episode..and the woman he was helping was in an 'open marriage'. of course i was invested because i have once been in an open relationship.
i know that there is no equation to relationships.. but..
if open marriages and honesty don't work
and monogamy doesnt work..
then what is there?
love?
if there is only love.. then you are ignorant. that's how i see it i guess.

i trust damian with all my heart. and i'm sincerely learning from his honesty.
i think thats why i'm doing so well with him being away.. i trust him. i'm not worried.
if he does sleep with someone.. i can't be angry. he's told me that he wants to experience other people.. and he told me he'd tell me if he's interested in someone. thats all i can ask for
we're young.
i know age is just an age
but its realistic.
i love him.. and care about him and i know that when/if we spend the rest of our lives together..he's going to cherish me like i've never known. i want that.. i want to be loved like he loves me.. its amazing.


it's just so hard for me not to feel damaged.

app without meee

i miss my bub. 2nd day out of 6 without him. he's my bestie. my lover. i completely appreciate him.

and i loveeee him!

i did have a fulfilling day today i just am missin some kisses:)

insignificant

i think she's a bad person
because she makes me feel horrible.

when i see her.. especially with abby.. it reminds me of all the bad things that she did while with me.
i see the flaws, the hurt, the fucking uncaring person.
i know she's more than that.
i know i was with her for a reason
but i can't see any farther
i'm tired of looking
i'm tired of looking for a 'friend' and instead just finding someone i dislike

when i talk to her to find out how she's doing and whatnot
i feel like i dont really care
but instead i want to judge

who have i become to be this judging person
or this person who is ready to be judged?

i'm not ready to see her or be her friend. its been since may 2006 and i'm not ready.
i dont know what to do.
talk to her about this hurt? or just not talk to her at all.
this fucking sucks
i miss bub
he went to vegas today for app
i hope he doesnt sleep or make out with a pretty lady.
i don't think i'm ready for that yet.
i love him and want him to be happy/
i dont know what i want.

i like the hunt... new people
but theres more to new people
good night
i'm tired of feeling insignificant